10/05/2015

Reflections on Mothering

Part of being a mother is learning from your child

The other day, my three-year-old son Yorke and I had an afternoon together at his childcare for a special mother's day event. The activity that Yorke chose to do with me was fingernail painting! As I sat there watching him paint my fingernails with so much care and hand-shaking concentration, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming love for this little boy, who came into my life three and a half years ago. After suffering post-natal depression with Yorke, I remember thinking, how the hell am I going to be a mother to this child and how is he ever going to forgive me for the way I brought him into this world?

On that mother's day afternoon, I realised that my ability to work through those many questions and ultimately deal with the guilt that I felt as a mother back then, did not come from any self-help book or mother's group. It actually came from him - Yorke, my teacher. His innocence and simplicity brought about an honesty that taught me how to connect to myself and ultimately connect to him. He showed me that openness to the innate need of a child wanting to connect to their mother can actually bring about change and growth, not only for the Mother, but for the rest of the family too.

So, the sparkly, bright blue-green dabs of paint that I wear on my fingernails this mothers day are a beautiful reminder of how precious my son's teachings have been for me and no doubt will continue to be for the rest of my life.

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